Can We Just Not?

So, I'm about to get on my soapbox for a few minutes. If you don't want to read about plus size women issues, then, this might be a blog post for you to skip. 

This week, I had a very petite young lady ask me about my special someone. Very proud, I pulled out my phone and showed her. Her reaction? It almost brought me to my knees.

She literally looked at the pictures I showed her, then looked at me with a shocked look on her face. "Seriously?" she said. I have no idea how she meant it, but my anxiety took it to mean, "A man who looks that incredible could never be interested in a troll like you." 

I know I'm not a troll. But I also have my own issues that I'm dealing with. This man is younger than me. He's definitely in better shape than I am. And, I think he's sexy as hell. What's funny? He'd tell you the exact same thing about me!

In the new journey I'm on, I'm finding more beautiful, fit men who are interested in a woman who is on the plusher side of sizes. And, I'll be honest, I love it. None of these men have said that I'd be beautiful if only... Instead, they don't put any qualifiers in their compliments. It is quite simple from the mouths of very plain spoken men, "You are beautiful."

Before you ask, yes, these men are seeing more than just my face. My boudoir photos? Yeah, these are the ones that are getting the most comments. 

So, can we just not? Not look surprised when you see a very plain woman with a model perfect man or a plus-size woman with a physically fit man or a beautiful woman with a man you don't find attractive. Can we please just keep our opinions to ourselves? My mama always said, "If you ain't got nothing nice to say, then keep your mouth shut." Can we please just let people be happy? You don't get to judge someone else's relationship unless you want your own relationship judged.  

You don't get to judge what they see in each other. Because, trust me, you're not seeing half of what he sees in her. He sees her heart and how deeply she loves. He sees her face without make-up sporting wrinkles from her pillowcase and her hair a mess. He sees that smile she gets when something sparks her sense of humor. He sees her head thrown back in laughter at some silly little joke. He sees her eyes sparkle with passion for whatever thing she's working on in the moment. He sees her struggle and still reassures her that she is the most beautiful being in his world. He also sees her cry when someone hurts her heart with their cruelty, whether it is intentional or not. And he sees her soul and the kindness she gives the world. 

Just know that all the time you're tearing their relationship apart and judging them, wondering what he could possibly see in "Her," he's working double time to make her understand that he's not going anywhere, that her beauty goes so much deeper than her physical appearance. He's proving to this woman he loves that going beyond the looking glass is more important than what the world holds in importance.

Making It Through

 Hey! It's been a hot minute since I've checked in with you all and I am so sorry!  I hope everyone is okay. If you aren't, drop me a line. I'm more than happy to chat with you.

I started a new job recently and it just wears away at my soul. I am not kidding when I tell you how awful I feel at the end of each day. I feel like even Satan is bowing at my feet and saying, "I'm not worthy!" Yeah, that's how bad the job is.

Which means that I take a lot of time for self-care. I don't mean pampering myself with facials and foot massages. I mean, letting all the stress fall away in the shower as I cry, making myself comfort food, and watching shows that are light-hearted and funny. I just need that at the end of every single day.

A few people have asked me to start a group on Facebook where women can gather and lift one another up. I am working on it. I am part of two such amazing groups. One is specific to the state I live in and the other is relatively new.  I ask that you be patient with me while I figure out the logistics and how much time I can dedicate to this. There have been other suggestions made by those who know me personally and I'm really trying to figure out how to bring it all to fruition. 

It's hard when you find your passion! LOL Because then you have to put in the work and pray that it pays off. And having the faith to bring it all about, well, that takes a lot more strength than I have at the moment. However, I have my tribe standing beside me, supporting me to help bring it all about.

I want to thank you for walking with me on this journey. I hope you will continue on with me because I truly believe it is only going to get better. Your support and your comments really do go a long way in showing me that this path is actually where I am meant to be.

In the coming weeks (I hope), I will make a second page here. I will share links to the things I love. Whether it is clothing or other things that keep me sane, I will share the things that make me happy. 

For now, I will wish you a blessed week! Please never hesitate to reach out to me. I will always respond though it may take me a day or two, but you are important to me. Be blessed!

I Did This Thing

 A few weeks ago, I wrote about a photo shoot I was doing. It was exciting and fun! And it was something that I was doing for myself, above and beyond all else.

My purpose in doing this shoot was two-fold. One was to allow me to see the beauty others claim to see. And number two was to promote Body Love, loving the body you're in no matter what the size. 

Now, you've seen pictures of me. Enough to know that I am not a skinny girl. I'm plus-size and at the age of 48, I don't really see that changing a lot. However, it doesn't mean that I'm not beautiful. 

I really wanted other women to see these pictures and say, "Wow! If she can do it, I can, too!" I wanted to empower women to straighten their crowns and walk like the queens they are.

I did my personal shoot on Saturday, then did a shoot for the Boudie Babes-Ambassador group on Sunday. I was exhausted by the time the weekend was over. My emotions were on a roller coaster. I was not feeling beautiful or sexy at all by the end of Sunday. But can I tell you something? 

Looking at the pictures? Wow! I look amazing! I look as beautiful as I felt that day as I was posing for these photos. And the man that I shared them with? The only response I got from him was "Smiles" and "They are beautiful." (They also sparked a conversation in which I was told that he's very much a boob guy. We also spun out some very hot topics that had us both smiling when we said our goodnights.)

So, with that all being said, let me show you:

I'm here to tell you that you don't have to be a smaller size to make these shoots work. This is me. When I look at these photos, I see sexy. I see confident. I see beauty. I see a Queen taking her power and using it to her advantage.

The Art of Accepting a Compliment

Why is it so hard for us to accept a compliment? Maybe you don't have that issue. But I do. Someone compliments something I've made and I can always point out a flaw. "Oh, thank you, but it didn't turn out like I'd hoped." Someone comes into my home and says, "It looks amazing" and my response usually involves picking at some little thing that didn't get done. Nevermind trying to compliment me personally. 

I am told often throughout my day that I'm beautiful or amazing or incredible or any other wonderful adjective that can be used to describe another human. And I shrug it off because people see a mere illusion when they see me, right? But there is one voice that has broken through the cacophony and brought me to my knees.

I have someone in my life who insists on a photo of me every single day. And with every pic I send, he will tell me that I'm pretty or beautiful. He's half a world away at the moment, but he always takes time from his day to make me feel so special. He gets me to brag on myself, my work ethic, or any other thing that makes me feel like I'm enough. 

When we started this, he would compliment me and I'd always find something negative to say. I would point out each and every flaw possible. When I started getting remarks from him saying things like "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?" or "Do you not believe me?," I really began to think about the heart of the man paying me these compliments. 

What's he getting from telling me how beautiful I am? Nothing, other than the satisfaction of making me feel good about myself. What gain does he receive from telling me how perfect or amazing I am in his eyes? Again, nothing. He simply wants me to know how he feels and how he sees me. 

He knows I'm difficult. He gets that my self-esteem is high some days and extremely low other days. But can I tell you something that I don't think even he understands? 

I look forward to sending him these pictures every day. Whether he gets one with a full-face of make-up or one where I am still in bed with my face full of wrinkles from my pillowcase and bed head, I find beauty within as I snap each pic. 

I used to make him ask each day. Because, in my opinion, who could possibly need to see ME every single day? Turns out that this man does. And I don't make him ask anymore. Even on days when I feel like shit, I still send him a pic. 

I've discovered that he does that to make sure that I'm okay. Some days, I receive the message that says "You look stressed." You can hide a lot behind a computer screen. You cannot hide much in a photo...especially when you are the end of your rope and ready to fall apart. 

Don't get me wrong...we still tease and pick at each other because that's who we are. As much as I have grown accustomed to reading his appreciation of my beauty, inside and out, it is the "You make my heart smile" or "You make me laugh" that fills my heart to the capacity that it overflows all over the place. 

I grew up in a family where my grandma and mom were seldom in pictures. If they were, they would put their hands over their faces and try to hide. You know the pictures I crave seeing these days? Yep, it is pictures of Grandma and Mom simply because it brings them closer to me.

Some day, I hope the man who is a half a world away reads this and knows that no matter what happens between us... he understands how far he's brought me in learning to simply say "Thank you" when he gives me compliment.

 

Tomorrow is the Day

 Tomorrow is a very big day for me and I am so very excited!

To others, it will be an ordinary Saturday. But for me? For me, tomorrow is a sort of awakening. 

Years ago, Roseanne did an episode where she did a boudoir photo shoot for her wedding anniversary. When I watched that episode, my only thought was that it seemed to be a very freeing experience. Problem was, back then, a lot of the boudoir photographers were a bit on the seedier side.

Fast forward to 2020 when I discovered a boudoir photographer who has this extraordinary talent that allows a woman's true beauty to shine through. I signed up for a session and have managed to talk myself in and out of actually doing the session at least 30 times in the last few months. But tomorrow? Tomorrow is the day!

I have spent the last month preparing my wardrobe, making sure my hair was trimmed to the perfect style, choosing the look to achieve, and watching my self-confidence escalate.

The last week, I have done facials, gotten my nails done, scrubbed and moisturized myself until my skin is as smooth as possible.

Nails by Pa

And tomorrow is the day. The day when I let go of my ideas of what beauty looks like. The day when I make myself vulnerable. The day that I refuse to look at my flaws. The day that I see what the people who love me best have been seeing all along. The day when I open myself up to the process. The day where I believe that I'm sexy and beautiful.

Tomorrow is the day. Whether it is an extraordinary day or just a normal Saturday, embrace it and the journey! We only get one life! Live it to the fullest!!

Body Shaming

Let's chat, shall we? Body shaming is just another form of bullying. And can we agree that being a bully is unacceptable?

As a woman who has never been smaller than a size 12, I have heard a lot of body shaming on how plus-size women are "unhealthy", "unfit", "shameful", and any other adjective that can be used. Hell, I've spent so much time putting myself down that I began to believe it. It is only in the past 6 months that I have begun to accept that this is who I am. I will never be a size 2. I'd look deathly ill if I ever got that tiny. I eat fairly healthy and do what I can to take care of myself. I'm beautiful just as I am.

However...as a plus size woman, I am guilty of looking at smaller women and thinking, "Dear god, eat something." And that isn't fair either. I've also read posts on social media where a woman who is smaller than me is complaining about how much she hates herself. I have laughed and said, "Sure, honey, you hate your body." You know what? That is just mean! Everyone sees their flaws and can only focus on their imperfections.

I've made a conscious effort of actively acknowledging when I am thinking body shaming thoughts. Just as some plus size women have issues that cause their weight to go up, smaller women have issues that keep them from gaining weight. We are all human! We are all flawed in some way! However, when we see these posts on social media, maybe we can take a moment to straighten that Queen's crown and let her know that she is beautiful as she is. If we stopped judging each other based on what size pants we wear, we could really make a difference in this world. 

Look deeper at a person. See their heart and the beauty that radiates from within. Notice their smile and how bright it shines. Pick up that person who only sees what is wrong with their outer appearance and show them that their flaws make them unique and special. 

Someone very dear to my heart told me recently, "Everyone is different. Everyone has problems. However, how boring would this world be if we were all alike."

In a world gone crazy, can we just love one another? As women, let's lift each other up, empower each other, and accept one another, not for how we look, but for who we are.

Taking Ownership

I apologize. I've missed a couple of weeks here. Work and life got overly busy. Things are shifting and changing is a very positive way.

I went to dinner with a friend the other night and we were having this beautiful conversation. The topic turned to taking ownership of your life. 

This year has been insane! However, in the midst of the insanity, I have found peace. Peace with myself and who I am. I have taken ownership of so many things this year.

First of all, my age. I am 48 and I am owning it. I don't look it. I don't act it. I don't dress the part. I am 48 and am loving every minute of this age. I'm still more comfortable in jeans and t-shirts with my feet bare. My hair is multi-colored, but it suits my personality...or so I'm told. I've released inhibitions that I've carried for years and I feel freer than ever.

Secondly, my body. I'm not the pretty sort of curvy that most people think of. Gravity has carried my breasts a little further south than I'd like. There's more tummy than I want to think about. And there are lines around my eyes that are relatively new. However, I still get called things like "beautiful", "yummy", and "perfect". This body has carried me through some amazing times and some really bad times. I wear the same size pants I wore in high school and my shirts are only slightly bigger than they were 30 years ago. I need to be damn proud of that.

And lastly, this life I'm being blessed with. It has definitely taken a turn that I never saw coming. I've ended up in some crazy places with even crazier people. However, there was a song we used to sing in church when I was a kid and it talked about showers of blessings. I never dreamed that this song would apply to my life. Things have changed and I am being showered in an abundance of blessings. Instead running for shelter and waiting for the storm to pass, I am dancing in the blessings, letting each one touch me. After all, I deserve to be blessed, too.

We can all agree that 2020 is not the year we were hoping it would be. Like my previous post stated, it is the year we needed. Step into yourself. Own who you are. Own the life you've been given. We only get one go around. Why spend it looking for the other shoe to drop or mourning over the body you had 30 years ago? Love it. Embrace it. Own it! Who cares what society thinks? Who are you harming by loving yourself?