Can We Just Not?

So, I'm about to get on my soapbox for a few minutes. If you don't want to read about plus size women issues, then, this might be a blog post for you to skip. 

This week, I had a very petite young lady ask me about my special someone. Very proud, I pulled out my phone and showed her. Her reaction? It almost brought me to my knees.

She literally looked at the pictures I showed her, then looked at me with a shocked look on her face. "Seriously?" she said. I have no idea how she meant it, but my anxiety took it to mean, "A man who looks that incredible could never be interested in a troll like you." 

I know I'm not a troll. But I also have my own issues that I'm dealing with. This man is younger than me. He's definitely in better shape than I am. And, I think he's sexy as hell. What's funny? He'd tell you the exact same thing about me!

In the new journey I'm on, I'm finding more beautiful, fit men who are interested in a woman who is on the plusher side of sizes. And, I'll be honest, I love it. None of these men have said that I'd be beautiful if only... Instead, they don't put any qualifiers in their compliments. It is quite simple from the mouths of very plain spoken men, "You are beautiful."

Before you ask, yes, these men are seeing more than just my face. My boudoir photos? Yeah, these are the ones that are getting the most comments. 

So, can we just not? Not look surprised when you see a very plain woman with a model perfect man or a plus-size woman with a physically fit man or a beautiful woman with a man you don't find attractive. Can we please just keep our opinions to ourselves? My mama always said, "If you ain't got nothing nice to say, then keep your mouth shut." Can we please just let people be happy? You don't get to judge someone else's relationship unless you want your own relationship judged.  

You don't get to judge what they see in each other. Because, trust me, you're not seeing half of what he sees in her. He sees her heart and how deeply she loves. He sees her face without make-up sporting wrinkles from her pillowcase and her hair a mess. He sees that smile she gets when something sparks her sense of humor. He sees her head thrown back in laughter at some silly little joke. He sees her eyes sparkle with passion for whatever thing she's working on in the moment. He sees her struggle and still reassures her that she is the most beautiful being in his world. He also sees her cry when someone hurts her heart with their cruelty, whether it is intentional or not. And he sees her soul and the kindness she gives the world. 

Just know that all the time you're tearing their relationship apart and judging them, wondering what he could possibly see in "Her," he's working double time to make her understand that he's not going anywhere, that her beauty goes so much deeper than her physical appearance. He's proving to this woman he loves that going beyond the looking glass is more important than what the world holds in importance.

Making It Through

 Hey! It's been a hot minute since I've checked in with you all and I am so sorry!  I hope everyone is okay. If you aren't, drop me a line. I'm more than happy to chat with you.

I started a new job recently and it just wears away at my soul. I am not kidding when I tell you how awful I feel at the end of each day. I feel like even Satan is bowing at my feet and saying, "I'm not worthy!" Yeah, that's how bad the job is.

Which means that I take a lot of time for self-care. I don't mean pampering myself with facials and foot massages. I mean, letting all the stress fall away in the shower as I cry, making myself comfort food, and watching shows that are light-hearted and funny. I just need that at the end of every single day.

A few people have asked me to start a group on Facebook where women can gather and lift one another up. I am working on it. I am part of two such amazing groups. One is specific to the state I live in and the other is relatively new.  I ask that you be patient with me while I figure out the logistics and how much time I can dedicate to this. There have been other suggestions made by those who know me personally and I'm really trying to figure out how to bring it all to fruition. 

It's hard when you find your passion! LOL Because then you have to put in the work and pray that it pays off. And having the faith to bring it all about, well, that takes a lot more strength than I have at the moment. However, I have my tribe standing beside me, supporting me to help bring it all about.

I want to thank you for walking with me on this journey. I hope you will continue on with me because I truly believe it is only going to get better. Your support and your comments really do go a long way in showing me that this path is actually where I am meant to be.

In the coming weeks (I hope), I will make a second page here. I will share links to the things I love. Whether it is clothing or other things that keep me sane, I will share the things that make me happy. 

For now, I will wish you a blessed week! Please never hesitate to reach out to me. I will always respond though it may take me a day or two, but you are important to me. Be blessed!

Body Shaming

Let's chat, shall we? Body shaming is just another form of bullying. And can we agree that being a bully is unacceptable?

As a woman who has never been smaller than a size 12, I have heard a lot of body shaming on how plus-size women are "unhealthy", "unfit", "shameful", and any other adjective that can be used. Hell, I've spent so much time putting myself down that I began to believe it. It is only in the past 6 months that I have begun to accept that this is who I am. I will never be a size 2. I'd look deathly ill if I ever got that tiny. I eat fairly healthy and do what I can to take care of myself. I'm beautiful just as I am.

However...as a plus size woman, I am guilty of looking at smaller women and thinking, "Dear god, eat something." And that isn't fair either. I've also read posts on social media where a woman who is smaller than me is complaining about how much she hates herself. I have laughed and said, "Sure, honey, you hate your body." You know what? That is just mean! Everyone sees their flaws and can only focus on their imperfections.

I've made a conscious effort of actively acknowledging when I am thinking body shaming thoughts. Just as some plus size women have issues that cause their weight to go up, smaller women have issues that keep them from gaining weight. We are all human! We are all flawed in some way! However, when we see these posts on social media, maybe we can take a moment to straighten that Queen's crown and let her know that she is beautiful as she is. If we stopped judging each other based on what size pants we wear, we could really make a difference in this world. 

Look deeper at a person. See their heart and the beauty that radiates from within. Notice their smile and how bright it shines. Pick up that person who only sees what is wrong with their outer appearance and show them that their flaws make them unique and special. 

Someone very dear to my heart told me recently, "Everyone is different. Everyone has problems. However, how boring would this world be if we were all alike."

In a world gone crazy, can we just love one another? As women, let's lift each other up, empower each other, and accept one another, not for how we look, but for who we are.

Falling Apart

This week has been a lesson in how wonderful things fall apart in order for even better things to come together.

In my last blogpost, I was in a bad spot with someone I trusted and confided in. However, I came to the conclusion that I needed to do something big to change my stars. In a matter of days, I did exactly that.

I also had to let go of something that meant more to me than anything else. In hanging on, I had done myself more damage than I realized. Once I let go, everything began to fall into place. And I do mean everything. Do you want to know what happened?

I became happy! I found such joy in life. The dark clouds parted and the sunshine lit up my world. My happy lights me up from the inside out which only makes me more beautiful. That beauty boosts my confidence. My confidence boosts my level of sexy. My level of sexy boosts my confidence higher and the circle keeps going on and on.

I am doing this thing where I am helping a very dear lady and friend promote her business. I was terrified when I first approached her, but the more I let go of things, the more steady and balanced I'm feeling. And I cannot wait to see what comes out of these next 6 months. She knows she is changing lives with what she does. She is showing women that they are beautiful and sexy, which boosts their confidence. And there are friendships that are forming. Deep lasting friendships that only secure the foundation of what my friend is building. 

By letting go of the things that are bad for us (relationships, thoughts, insecurities, inhibitions, beliefs), we grow into more than we ever dreamed we could be and we become more loving toward ourselves. In everything falling apart, something even better can come together to take its place.

So, as the world is falling apart in front of us, maybe this isn't exactly the year we were expecting. However, from it may spring forth a better, stronger world.

I know, for me, 2020 has not been what I expected by any stretch of the imagination, but what is coming is so much better than I dared dream was possible. I just had to let things fall apart so that better things could come together.

The Moth

I am so blessed to be part of a community of women who lift each other up, empower each other, and just enjoy one another's company. Sure, we get a little rowdy and exchange more than a couple of slightly naughty things, but damn, do they know how to make a woman feel proud to be a woman.

The other day, a member of the group shared this meme: 

I had to roll this over in my mind for a bit before I commented. After all, moths are usually considered nuisances who cling to your screen door in the summer. We seldom discuss moths. When we think of moths, the dullness of colors comes to mind. And, well, let's be honest...they're not as beautiful as butterflies, right?

Then, a friend (not a part of this group) posted a picture of a moth she had found. It was gorgeous! I couldn't believe how stunning this moth was. 

That was when it hit me...HARD. Moths are just as beautiful as butterflies, but they serve many of the same purposes (pollination being a huge one). Moth bodies are a bit fuzzier, fuller, heavier. Moths aren't as flashy in their colors, but they are still beautiful. Instead of needing the sunshine to bounce of their wings to flash their colors, moths have the moonlight. You may have to look a little harder to find the beauty, but it is most certainly there. 

That's when I realized that I am more moth than butterfly. My body isn't slender by ANY definition. My colors are a little more vibrant than some, but the darkness? Oh, the darkness will allow you to see me in my full glory. 

I have spent the last too many decades of my life trying to fit a square peg in a round  hole. For so long, I've tried to be what society deems as beautiful and if I'm not, then I must be horrifically ugly, right? Wrong! (And I seldom will admit this to anyone.) I was so incredibly wrong. 

This is one of the favorite things I've read in a long time:

So, I am on a mission in this my 48th year of life. I am going to stop comparing myself to other women. Because while I may not be their kind of beautiful, I am my own kind of beautiful and that matters, too. And I don't want to be the kind of beautiful that just shows on the outside. I want my beauty to radiate from the inside out and shine brightly in the darkness. After all, moths are attracted to light, right? Maybe this means I'll find even more of my tribe.

God Bless Women

Mother's Day is quickly approaching and I want to take a moment to honor all women. 

Women who are mothers and women who are childless (or childfree), whether by choice or not.

Women who have lost children and women who have theirs in their lives.

Women who work outside the home and women who stay home.

Women who have human children and women who have furred/finned/feathered/children.

Women are such amazing beings. 

While I understand not every woman enjoys being a woman, I am not one of those. Even with periods and all that shit, I wouldn't trade it for the world. To me, there is just something very special about being a woman.

I spent too long with someone who would say, "You're not my mother," when it came to Mother's Day and celebrating me. I will NOT allow that to ever happen again. Women, mothers or not, should be celebrated. 

So, I will celebrate the beauty that is you as we enter the weekend! You are special. You matter. You are loved!