I Did This Thing

 A few weeks ago, I wrote about a photo shoot I was doing. It was exciting and fun! And it was something that I was doing for myself, above and beyond all else.

My purpose in doing this shoot was two-fold. One was to allow me to see the beauty others claim to see. And number two was to promote Body Love, loving the body you're in no matter what the size. 

Now, you've seen pictures of me. Enough to know that I am not a skinny girl. I'm plus-size and at the age of 48, I don't really see that changing a lot. However, it doesn't mean that I'm not beautiful. 

I really wanted other women to see these pictures and say, "Wow! If she can do it, I can, too!" I wanted to empower women to straighten their crowns and walk like the queens they are.

I did my personal shoot on Saturday, then did a shoot for the Boudie Babes-Ambassador group on Sunday. I was exhausted by the time the weekend was over. My emotions were on a roller coaster. I was not feeling beautiful or sexy at all by the end of Sunday. But can I tell you something? 

Looking at the pictures? Wow! I look amazing! I look as beautiful as I felt that day as I was posing for these photos. And the man that I shared them with? The only response I got from him was "Smiles" and "They are beautiful." (They also sparked a conversation in which I was told that he's very much a boob guy. We also spun out some very hot topics that had us both smiling when we said our goodnights.)

So, with that all being said, let me show you:

I'm here to tell you that you don't have to be a smaller size to make these shoots work. This is me. When I look at these photos, I see sexy. I see confident. I see beauty. I see a Queen taking her power and using it to her advantage.

Tomorrow is the Day

 Tomorrow is a very big day for me and I am so very excited!

To others, it will be an ordinary Saturday. But for me? For me, tomorrow is a sort of awakening. 

Years ago, Roseanne did an episode where she did a boudoir photo shoot for her wedding anniversary. When I watched that episode, my only thought was that it seemed to be a very freeing experience. Problem was, back then, a lot of the boudoir photographers were a bit on the seedier side.

Fast forward to 2020 when I discovered a boudoir photographer who has this extraordinary talent that allows a woman's true beauty to shine through. I signed up for a session and have managed to talk myself in and out of actually doing the session at least 30 times in the last few months. But tomorrow? Tomorrow is the day!

I have spent the last month preparing my wardrobe, making sure my hair was trimmed to the perfect style, choosing the look to achieve, and watching my self-confidence escalate.

The last week, I have done facials, gotten my nails done, scrubbed and moisturized myself until my skin is as smooth as possible.

Nails by Pa

And tomorrow is the day. The day when I let go of my ideas of what beauty looks like. The day when I make myself vulnerable. The day that I refuse to look at my flaws. The day that I see what the people who love me best have been seeing all along. The day when I open myself up to the process. The day where I believe that I'm sexy and beautiful.

Tomorrow is the day. Whether it is an extraordinary day or just a normal Saturday, embrace it and the journey! We only get one life! Live it to the fullest!!

Body Shaming

Let's chat, shall we? Body shaming is just another form of bullying. And can we agree that being a bully is unacceptable?

As a woman who has never been smaller than a size 12, I have heard a lot of body shaming on how plus-size women are "unhealthy", "unfit", "shameful", and any other adjective that can be used. Hell, I've spent so much time putting myself down that I began to believe it. It is only in the past 6 months that I have begun to accept that this is who I am. I will never be a size 2. I'd look deathly ill if I ever got that tiny. I eat fairly healthy and do what I can to take care of myself. I'm beautiful just as I am.

However...as a plus size woman, I am guilty of looking at smaller women and thinking, "Dear god, eat something." And that isn't fair either. I've also read posts on social media where a woman who is smaller than me is complaining about how much she hates herself. I have laughed and said, "Sure, honey, you hate your body." You know what? That is just mean! Everyone sees their flaws and can only focus on their imperfections.

I've made a conscious effort of actively acknowledging when I am thinking body shaming thoughts. Just as some plus size women have issues that cause their weight to go up, smaller women have issues that keep them from gaining weight. We are all human! We are all flawed in some way! However, when we see these posts on social media, maybe we can take a moment to straighten that Queen's crown and let her know that she is beautiful as she is. If we stopped judging each other based on what size pants we wear, we could really make a difference in this world. 

Look deeper at a person. See their heart and the beauty that radiates from within. Notice their smile and how bright it shines. Pick up that person who only sees what is wrong with their outer appearance and show them that their flaws make them unique and special. 

Someone very dear to my heart told me recently, "Everyone is different. Everyone has problems. However, how boring would this world be if we were all alike."

In a world gone crazy, can we just love one another? As women, let's lift each other up, empower each other, and accept one another, not for how we look, but for who we are.