Can We Just Not?

So, I'm about to get on my soapbox for a few minutes. If you don't want to read about plus size women issues, then, this might be a blog post for you to skip. 

This week, I had a very petite young lady ask me about my special someone. Very proud, I pulled out my phone and showed her. Her reaction? It almost brought me to my knees.

She literally looked at the pictures I showed her, then looked at me with a shocked look on her face. "Seriously?" she said. I have no idea how she meant it, but my anxiety took it to mean, "A man who looks that incredible could never be interested in a troll like you." 

I know I'm not a troll. But I also have my own issues that I'm dealing with. This man is younger than me. He's definitely in better shape than I am. And, I think he's sexy as hell. What's funny? He'd tell you the exact same thing about me!

In the new journey I'm on, I'm finding more beautiful, fit men who are interested in a woman who is on the plusher side of sizes. And, I'll be honest, I love it. None of these men have said that I'd be beautiful if only... Instead, they don't put any qualifiers in their compliments. It is quite simple from the mouths of very plain spoken men, "You are beautiful."

Before you ask, yes, these men are seeing more than just my face. My boudoir photos? Yeah, these are the ones that are getting the most comments. 

So, can we just not? Not look surprised when you see a very plain woman with a model perfect man or a plus-size woman with a physically fit man or a beautiful woman with a man you don't find attractive. Can we please just keep our opinions to ourselves? My mama always said, "If you ain't got nothing nice to say, then keep your mouth shut." Can we please just let people be happy? You don't get to judge someone else's relationship unless you want your own relationship judged.  

You don't get to judge what they see in each other. Because, trust me, you're not seeing half of what he sees in her. He sees her heart and how deeply she loves. He sees her face without make-up sporting wrinkles from her pillowcase and her hair a mess. He sees that smile she gets when something sparks her sense of humor. He sees her head thrown back in laughter at some silly little joke. He sees her eyes sparkle with passion for whatever thing she's working on in the moment. He sees her struggle and still reassures her that she is the most beautiful being in his world. He also sees her cry when someone hurts her heart with their cruelty, whether it is intentional or not. And he sees her soul and the kindness she gives the world. 

Just know that all the time you're tearing their relationship apart and judging them, wondering what he could possibly see in "Her," he's working double time to make her understand that he's not going anywhere, that her beauty goes so much deeper than her physical appearance. He's proving to this woman he loves that going beyond the looking glass is more important than what the world holds in importance.

Body Shaming

Let's chat, shall we? Body shaming is just another form of bullying. And can we agree that being a bully is unacceptable?

As a woman who has never been smaller than a size 12, I have heard a lot of body shaming on how plus-size women are "unhealthy", "unfit", "shameful", and any other adjective that can be used. Hell, I've spent so much time putting myself down that I began to believe it. It is only in the past 6 months that I have begun to accept that this is who I am. I will never be a size 2. I'd look deathly ill if I ever got that tiny. I eat fairly healthy and do what I can to take care of myself. I'm beautiful just as I am.

However...as a plus size woman, I am guilty of looking at smaller women and thinking, "Dear god, eat something." And that isn't fair either. I've also read posts on social media where a woman who is smaller than me is complaining about how much she hates herself. I have laughed and said, "Sure, honey, you hate your body." You know what? That is just mean! Everyone sees their flaws and can only focus on their imperfections.

I've made a conscious effort of actively acknowledging when I am thinking body shaming thoughts. Just as some plus size women have issues that cause their weight to go up, smaller women have issues that keep them from gaining weight. We are all human! We are all flawed in some way! However, when we see these posts on social media, maybe we can take a moment to straighten that Queen's crown and let her know that she is beautiful as she is. If we stopped judging each other based on what size pants we wear, we could really make a difference in this world. 

Look deeper at a person. See their heart and the beauty that radiates from within. Notice their smile and how bright it shines. Pick up that person who only sees what is wrong with their outer appearance and show them that their flaws make them unique and special. 

Someone very dear to my heart told me recently, "Everyone is different. Everyone has problems. However, how boring would this world be if we were all alike."

In a world gone crazy, can we just love one another? As women, let's lift each other up, empower each other, and accept one another, not for how we look, but for who we are.